Asian Men & Black Women

Hmmm........I would like to say 1st that I am a supporter of interracial dating (if that is your thing). This blog is not going to discuss why or why not..... I want to discuss something that is bothering me in regard to "Asian Men & Black Women" that I've seen online.

Of all the videos that I have watched on youtube and google images the one thing that I've seen consistent in these types of couples are that the black women do not wear their hair natural. Maybe because I have stopped chemically straightening my hair in almost 2 years that I have notice this, but.....if you are gungho about being with your Asian man (or any race in that matter), why not be black and proud ALL the way. It's like these women (ones I have seen) still are ashamed of their hair. Just makes me contemplate if they are hiding behind another image. Maybe Asian men are just in right now. Why wear the weaves/wigs that they produce because their culture says that our hair [black] is not of this world?? Just baffles me how they go into a relationship of interracial dating and still can't be black and proud (love ALL or yourself).

Yes, we are not hair, but doesn't denying our hair and not accepting its natural state, still suggest that the media is right? My mother gets on me about my "Natural" ways now, saying how I have "good" hair and how dare I talk down at others for wanting silkier/artificial (not-their-own) hair. ALL hair is beautiful. That's what is so fascinating by the black race. We can have a million shades of brown on our body and different types of curl patterns on our head. We are a unique race. :-)

I enjoy seeing black women dating outside their race. I just want them to give their partner all of themselves and not 90%. Oh...and I didn't see 1 Asian guy trying to rock an 'Afro to look like his mate. 

The Perils of Online Dating

The online dating world is not of this world. It in its entity is somewhat....well...rather interesting. The rules (if any) of the online dating world is completely different from the everyday, old fashion, way we call dating. This blog's goal is to open your method of thinking in the online world. It will have you skeptical of people and curious of the unknown--the possibilities.

In the old fashion dating world, couples decide to date, because the found an attraction within the other person that they want to get to know them. Boy ask for girls number, he talks to her on the phone some nights, and then they eventually go out on their first date. And blah blah blah blah blah........the cycle of dating has begun.

But online dating is COMPLETELY different. There isn't this "instant" first glance upon meeting and the two people coming together with a click of a mouse. It doesn't work that way. Online the person has to market themselves to the world. Not a small select group of people of a 100, but the entire world to find what ever it is that they are looking for. You have to put a photograph of yourself up alongside your resume, depending on the site certain details about yourself (eye color, hair color, income, occupation, living & transportation arrangements). It can be and is invasive. You can search for your mate of choice or have others search for you. Like going down to the meat market and selecting the best meat. The best meat for yourself, but all the other meat hanging on the line hoping that one day that they too will be picked.

Yes, technology is readily accessible and people are conveniently busy that they want to try things in a different approach, But is online dating genuine or have we created this world of dating based off of fantasy and not reality?

There's nothing wrong with having a "preference" when attacking the dating pool and for that the online dating site makes it easy to search based on what you "prefer". But are we truly searching what we really do like, or is it something that we created. What happens when the other person is not attracted to you in the online world? Is the rejection just that a rejection or is it something more in depth that we cannot shake, because it is as if what we like is a representation of everything that is out there. And that one person rejecting you is not just one person but hundreds, thousands, and even millions of people rejecting you. Hmmm.......have I gone to in depth with this?

Can the online dating world mess up ones "social" skills for reality?

Online dating is either girls or boy tries to meet one another, by email, a "wink" or what other means I site has ordained. But, what if you're attracted to an illusion. Everyone and anyone can look good on paper. And if the girl or boy responds to the pursuant's request and they start emailing each other constantly...is there really a "connection" that is form.

Can one have a "connection" with someone that they have never met, but have emailed with? Or is "love at first sight" just a cliche term that people have created to appear to be more "romantic" or to have a good story to tell? So many questions.

I can thumb through tons and tons of eligible bachelors and create another person. Someone other than me. Online dating is truly date at your own risk. You loose the sense of who's crazy,  stalker, and the like. Because anyone can type the write things.

 But I don't think that my fingers can form a connection with the unknown. 

How much we've changed

I remember as a child, sitting on the back porch at nights with my older sister and looking up at the stars. Back then in the mid 80's the air was not as polluted as it is now. The sky was clear and the stars really did glisten and twinkle, the air was fresh and welcoming. I would suck the fresh night air through my nose and my sister would tell me about the constellations. I used to think if I looked hard enough, I would see heaven. I loved the summer nights sky and watching the fireflies dance around.

As a child I didn't know exactly what was "right" or what was "wrong". I would take chances and my mother would definitely be there with a hand or belt to let me know which was what. lol. Ah man.........I would close my eyes and dream. I always dreamt big. I will never forget the first time I saw the E! channel at age 6 and watched my first fashion show. I knew there was a world out there and I wanted to either be on that runway or designed the clothes that were. I wanted that life. I saw something in that tv that awaken my desires that would later be the reason that I work as hard as I do now.

But this blog is not about my aspiration or my ambitions. No, I wanted to set the stage on from a child's mind to an adult's mind. In between the stages of childhood to adulthood is puberty: with raging hormones and the quest to "fit in" somewhere. As humans, we all want to belong. I have yet to read if this is one's own desires in  our human make-up or is this quest is something that society has created for us.

My main food for thought for this particular blog is: How did we get from point A to point C? When did we lose our focus? And how much are we willing to sacrifice what we believe in for someone else? Or to "fit in"?

This is a moral blog. I was approached by an "acquaintance" for a favor. This person wanted me to pee in a cup so they could obtain employment. I told this person "no". That I will not be able to accommodate on their request. Well, this person asked me for a favor and when you ask someone a favor the other person has a right to agree or disagree. This person was very upset that I disagree. And when I made my reasons known as to why I disagree they attacked me by saying it is not the same thing as robbing an old lady. The situation escalated and the text messages kept going back and forth.

This person said they done this a million times, and I said, well request the people who have helped you out in the past for help. I said "NO". My mind was made up. But this person made me question my own morals/principles for a moment. I had to text 2 people that I trust and highly respected for their opinion on the situation. Maybe "I" was overreacting. Maybe I was making this a bigger deal than it had to be. These two people responded that I was a correct. This situation bothered me because it has me thinking, this person has a master's degree and has been unemployed since 2010. This person accused me of wagging my finger at them--being judgmental. It is not place to judge. I'm not God. I just don't support someone who placed themselves in a situation and wants the "loop" hole way out.

How do we grow as people if we justify our actions, because we were unemployed, we smoked ganja and knowing that every company out there has a drug test, why would you put yourself in that situation, for something as easily as NOT doing drugs can cost you a job. The Bible says, that God judges all sins the same. Stealing a purse from an old lady is the same as taking someone else's urine and cheating to get a job. How is it that we weigh things morally different when we become an adult? When we were kids, "right" was "right" and "wrong" was "wrong". When did we find that "gray" area? Did we discover it on our own as a way to "fit in" or did society tell us?

I intelligently responded to this person with my text messages. I gave this person food for thought to think about, by questioning their behavior and dismissing their new found criticism of me. And even with their master's degree and so quick to always think they know everything, I realize that this person may have successfully beaten the system, by answering the homework and test questions correct, to obtain their degree, but this person will always lack ethics. You can have book smart, and common sense, but when you don't have moral stability, you don't have a soul. And I find it interesting how this person's presumptuous choices will always keep them behind. And over the years I've watched this person fall a little bit further.

I may not be on that runway as yet, nor my clothes, but one thing I'll always have is integrity. It's not what you can do for a company any more....it is can you have integrity while doing it at the same time. It's a witch hunt now. People are upset because a CEO of a Fortune 500 company took the company private jet for a personal use. Which I have no problem with the CEO's choice. It is his company. People are always watching and they'll always see right through you.

The point is, that I can't support what I don't believe in. We may not agree, but you should always respect someone who is not easily persuaded and calling me names will not deter. And if you make your bed, lie in it. 

Thank You Hollywood!

It's is 2011 and yet race is still a factor. Can you believe it? Race is still a factor even when it comes to dating. People are weary to date outside their race. If it means the race will be a black person. Black people, especially black women are consider the bottom of the barrel. The media says black woman have attitudes and are filled with drama. Shows like Atlanta Housewives is a perfect example of black women acting a fool (they act horribly even more so when they have money). The world sees this. I mean, it is Hollywood ("the media"), so it must be true. Right? It is 2011 and the same stereotypes of a "black" women are overplayed and the world accepts it, because it has become the norm--nothing has been differently shown otherwise. Another example, VH1's upcoming show called "Single Ladies". And when we do see a black woman with poise and grace, we are shocked and in disbelief.

 I am a black woman. I have always admired the decorum and detailed traditions/cultures of other ethnicities. I love people. I admire the simple traditions that they host in their homes (the ones the take for granted I find fascinating). My entire life, I have been this way. I get exited about diversity and find the beauty in everyone. The first crush I had ever had was on a white boy. lol. This is not to say that I find black men unattractive. I've been with only black men in my adult life, but I have always been hungry for something more. I just desire and feel happier around what I am attracted to, not what I am settling for. We all have preferences. There is nothing wrong with that. Some people prefer their significant other to be shorter than them or have "this", "this", and "this".

Recently, I did something different. I decided that I want the opportunity to be with someone other than black. On my quest in seeking the guy that I like to get to know. I realized that they don't want me. It's sad right. You put yourself out online and the only ones who coming knocking are the ones that you do not want. I've been there and done that. I want something different now. And I was not rejected because I am ugly, because that's not the case. I am well educated and have class. They rejected me because they didn't want.

The ones I don't want, chase me down, send me emails, winks, etc. I never once said that I didn't pursue, because I did and I was still rejected. They consider me scrap, when they don't even know me. They say they are "open-minded" and have "no preference", but they do. I will never be on the menu for them. I can learn every language in the world, and they still would think low of me. To find that one guy who is willing to step out of his comfort zone is nearly impossible. He would have to go against his family's perception and the criticism from others is too great and destructive. If I were white, things would have been "easy".

I blame Hollywood for this. I blame the American society for having such great power and teaching the world that I am nothing but low class. Thank you Hollywood for ruining my future and forcing me to stay alone for the rest of my life, because no one wants to take a chance on dating the "black" girl, especially since I am dark skinned and  not light skinned. 

Sympathy

I had surgery yesterday. I didn't shout it out to the roof top prior before having surgery that I was going to have surgery. I told my employer, because I was going to take a half day off at the office. I had two teeth extracted. My oral surgeon numbed me and gave me laughing gas. The procedure took no more than 45 minutes. I felt fine afterwards. I arrived at work this morning and within an hour and a half I had to leave the office because I was feeling the post surgery pain. Weird.

And as I returned home to an empty apartment in A LOT of pain, I became lonely because I had no one and there was no one to take care of me. So I texted a couple of friends to let them know I had surgery, yesterday. Why? Because we are humans. At the end of the day. When we know we have to be in the bed to recuperate from whatever illness we have, we still love it when people fawn over us and asking if "we're okay?". There's nothing more fulfilling to know that there are people out there who indeed "care about us" and want you to get better.

No matter, how you alienate yourself from the outside world and how independent you come, there is ALWAYS that part of you that wants that security of knowing that you are cared for.

I can take it a step forward, and say, when we go online, we browse the websites for information, but also, we browse for a connection--a human connection. Because if this world is so big and we all are pretty much "connected" via the world wide web, then there must be someone out there who wants to make that "connection" with just you and only you.

Seth Godin said it best in one of his blogs last week:

What (people) want

What do customers, friends, the socially networked, users, neighbors, classmates, servers, administrators, employees... maybe even brands... want?

notice me
like me
touch me
do what I say
miss me if I'm gone